The Serial Pastor Gives Counsel

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33

A woman visits her pastor for counsel. She never needed help before but over the past year her husband’s behavior raised concerns.

“How may I be of service to you?” the pastor asked.

“It’s my husband. He has this website. It’s a blog. . .” She hesitated.

She respected her husband and felt uncomfortable expressing concerns about him behind his back, but her frustration became unbearable.

“Originally he said he wanted the blog to edify the saints but in between his essays on godliness he began objectifying women.”

“I see.” The pastor sniffed. “Objectifying how?”

The woman paused. “He is fixated on the breasts of other women and he gratuitously writes about them.”

The pastor clarified: “By ‘them,’ do you mean the other women or their breasts?”

The woman quickly answered: “Their breasts!”

“And this concerns you?” the pastor asked.

“Well, yes,” she replied. “He writes about breasts & boobs in explicit language. One time he created a fictitious conversation just so he could say ‘make her tits bigger!’ Another time he took a swipe at women who didn’t appreciate his literary style, calling them ‘small-breasted biddies.’

The pastor looked genuinely amazed. “And this offends you?”

“Of course it does. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a Christian man to needlessly discuss the size & shape of any woman’s breasts on the internet. I fail to see how this honors God.”

The pastor’s confusion grew. He reckoned himself equipped to address her concerns because he had written a few books on marriage, the family, and child rearing. But this one puzzled him. He did not understand why a married woman took issue with her husband using vulgar language to describe women’s breasts on the worldwide web.

“Now our fifteen-year-old son chortles about ‘tits’ & ‘boobs’ and our fourteen-year-old daughter worries about her undeveloped breasts.”

She continued: “Last week he uploaded a provocative image of a woman posing across a piano top, lunging her cleavage at the camera lens. He held a contest for his readers. He asked them to meme the pic, encouraging them to name her breasts — but he did it with a wink and a nod. It was like a scene from a National Lampoon movie.”

The pastor giggled, “Which movie?”

“This isn’t funny,” she shot back.

The pastor couldn’t contain himself: “What’s the URL? I have to see who won this contest!”

“I call them her ‘Two Corinthians’”

Click the image.

9 Comments

  1. Ignore the perv behind the pulpit! Trump is bad! Trump is bad! And anything Doug does is good!!!!! Or, at WORST, a mere “gnat” compared to the “camel” of our potential doom (sure, God is sovereign and stuff but…PANIC!!!) if Trump wins! Where are your PRIORITIES people?!?!! Now don’t you feel small and stupid for questioning Doug the Magnificent?

  2. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” — Ephesians 5:3

    Doug Wilson has gone way past hinting at it. It’s impossible to imagine the apostle Paul, or men like John Calvin and Charles Spurgeon, talking about women’s breasts. Or having jokey meme contests. And certainly the Lord Jesus Christ never did. So again I ask the question, “When is the CREC going to put a stop to this?”

    1. While Ulysses has done a great job explaining why the CREC can not censure DW, I would like to add that they even if they could they would not because his excesses of the flesh give them the license and the permission they desire to indulge their flesh as well. Thus they have no incentive to discipline him.

  3. “Charlatans Rationalizing Egregious Carnality.” That’s mine. The grand prize winnah will receive etc. etc.

    The faux denom exists to serve DW both directly and indirectly. To the extent a CRECer meaningfully opposes Doug he or she proves to be out of step. Doug was always at the center. To join or remain a part of the CREC in spite of Doug would make no sense.

  4. Ok…I honestly thought that you were kidding around, but then I clicked on the photo…Whoa! Not just one photo but many of The Donald and his beauty. And each with a twisted text. Could it be that The Douglas is vicariously living through The Donald for some kind of sick pleasure? Something is rotten in Den…er…Wilsonville.

  5. Here’s something else to think about. What if Nancy Wilson was posting pics of hot men — say Chippendales — on her Femina blog. How would that go over in the CREC? Or at the Wilson household? Would Nancy be able to get away with it?

    1. Or what if a high-profile self-ordained minister hosted a meme contest for parts of Nancy Wilson’s anatomy? Would that be wrong? — if so, by what standard?

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